White Roses
by Sentiel Malfoy
Summary: Reno looks back over things...   Reno Rufus, character death rated for safety


**Okay so just some advice: IGNORE ALL PLOTS TO DO WITH FFVII yeah so nothing applies to this just forget it plz. I'm like uber sorry about the lack of updates for After All but I am writing it I swear! Okay so read please and enjoy! XD**

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><p>So here we are again. "I missed you," I whisper laying the rose down, that's it a single white rose. He never liked flowers but for some reason he was drawn to white roses, not red roses not pink, they had to be white. I feel the tears welling up already, I've only been here a few minutes and I already feel like crying. Pathetic. I come down here a lot; it scares me to think how many graves must be here, how many lives gone. I'll be here one day, well maybe not in this graveyard, maybe not in a graveyard at all, maybe not in the ground. Different people get rid of bodies in different ways; if I'm killed on a mission then Gaia only knows what'll happen to the body.<p>

Why I'm thinking about my own death I don't know, it's only been a year yet I've already considered getting it over and done with, but I either talk myself out of or someone else will. Sometimes Rude and I spend the entire night talking about things of the past. If it wasn't for him I doubt I would still be here. Rufus' death hit me hard and he has been a constant leaning point for me. I owe him more then I can give.

As for the rest of them, Elena offered me some comfort, when I say comfort I mean she practically glomped me every time she saw me. Tseng had is 'talks' with me, they helped a bit, I mean he knew Rufus better than anyone and it helped me to know I wasn't the only one that was now broken. No one else knew of our relationship, no one else knew how badly it hurt me. He was just starting to change...

Rufus was trained by his father to be cold and emotionless and he was. Tseng has managed to keep him from losing all his humanity but he still was so... so dead. It wasn't until we got close he even started showing me basic emotions; it was almost like he didn't understand them. To be honest I don't think he did, but it wasn't his fault, it was his father's fault and now I'm so glad he's rotting in hell.

Whether there is a hell or not is the question though. When I was a small child I believed in Gaia, but as I got older and realised what was wrong with the earth and the reality of life my belief faded. The older I got the less I believed. I came to terms at a young age that the chances were I would never leave the slums and end up getting a job where I had to kill and steal. I hated the thought of it, but I complied. I had no choice. When I was brought to Shinra it was amazing. I would sit on the roof for hours and gaze down onto what I thought was a wonder. Now I want Rufus to be in heaven, with his mother. She died when he was a baby and he never said he missed her I could see it in his eyes whenever she was bought up in a conversation.

I remember the first time I met Rufus; Tseng was showing off his latest catch. Tseng had found me in the slums and offered me a job at Shinra, I accepted without too much hesitation. He took me to see the President and we talked for a long time about how I would be put through intensive training and how dangerous the jobs would be... I listened but Rufus had caught my eye. He was so angelic. Something had drawn me to him and throughout that first meeting I found myself staring at him quite a lot. I dragged my eyes away each time and told myself I was being stupid.

A couple of years passed uneventfully, I only ever really saw Rufus in meetings. I never lost the interest I had in him though. We never shared anything. I wasn't even convinced I had feelings for him, until that night I was called to his office. He offered me a seat and a scotch and we talked for hours about nothing and everything. I realised soon after that I did have feeling towards him beyond the employee employer relationship. I pushed them all away though.

One night I got really pissed in some bar somewhere and came stumbling back. Rufus was walking through the halls at the time. He looked troubled. I have no idea why I was on those levels anyway; my apartment within ShinRa is nowhere near where I found Rufus. He looked up as he saw me and rolled his eyes slightly when he saw I was drunk. He walked over to me and said, "Reno what are you doing here?" In that voice I love. I just shrugged and looked at him for a while. He was looking so beautiful so I told him. He looked shocked to say the least. He shook his head and dragged me back to my apartment.

"How much have you had to drink Reno?" He asked after half throwing me down on the sofa.

"No much," I slurred getting up to walk over to where he was. Rufus was in the kitchen getting me a glass of water.

"I don't believe you, with what you've just come out with." He handed me the glass and I took it taking a sip, looking confused. "Something wrong?"

"There's no alcohol in this!" I announced.

"Well done," He smirked with no jest. "You need to rest. Go to bed." I saw something flickering in his eyes as he spoke to me. It was faint but it was something. I took my chance; I walked straight up to him and kissed him. He stood shocked. I'm not surprised. I whined slightly on his lips and I was shocked when he responded. He closed his eyes and kissed me back! I was relieved to say the least; at least this meant I wasn't going to get shot. He pulled back and I whined again.

"Why did you do that?" He demanded, glaring at me.

"Why did you respond?" Man I was good when I was drunk.

"Answer my question Reno!" He looked slightly scared beneath his mask.

"Because I like you, boss, I like you a lot." I grinned at him and leaned closer.

"You're drunk Reno, you have no feelings for me what so ever. I'm taking you to bed." He lifted me and threw me on my bed. I looked at his in disbelief as he turned and left without looking back. I cried myself to sleep. Little did I know on the other side of my door Rufus was doing the same.

Of course I didn't remember it like that. Rufus told me in detail what happened that night. It hurt me to think I hurt him but if I hadn't kissed him that night then maybe we would've never gotton together. He still would've died though; geostigma is incurable so he had no hope. We searched for months looking for cures, we practically travelled the world searching for things that would help and found none. And it broke my heart.

After the night when I first kissed him I tried to avoid him as much as possible but it was hard considering I worked for him. He thankfully didn't shoot me but I found myself being sent on much more dangerous missions. He called me up to his office one night and I have to say I was scared about what was going to happen.

"Reno come in and sit down." It wasn't a request.

"Sir, what did you want to see me about?" I asked trying not to look nervous.

"That night." He didn't need to explain which night he meant. "Why did you do it?" His eyes bore into me and I felt almost scared in his presence.

"Well err... I like you, like I said." He looked shocked. All this time he was completely convinced that the only reason I had to do it was I was drunk and horny. "Sir, on that night I meant what I said. May I ask you something?" I didn't wait for a response. "Why did you kiss me back?"

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it just as quickly. He took a deep breath before answering me. "What would you say if I said that I kissed you back because I like you too?"

"You answered my question with another question, but I guess I would have to say: Wanna do it again?" He looked almost nervous. I was feeling confident so I waited for his response without running away. He looked at me for a while, studying me.

"Then I would say sure. But not here! We'll go to my chambers. It's more private there, I have no CCTV. Come on then." I looked at him with wide-eyed amazement. He had changed in the last few minutes and there wasn't a chance I was passing up this opportunity though. I shot up out the chair and followed him out of the room. I wanted him to grab my hand and drag me down to his room but that would gather some strange looks so we made it look official.

When we finally reached his rooms he locked to door and turned round to me. "So, you just going to stand there or are you going to kiss me?"

I smirked slightly and walked over to him. He was a few inches shorter than me and three years younger. He looked slightly innocent now. I leant down slightly and kissed him softly. He kissed me back and wrapped his arms around me, deepening the kiss. I heard him moan softly as I pressed my tongue against his lips. He opened his mouth and we kissed into the night. No sex we just kissed. He made me leave so it wouldn't look bad in the morning if anyone saw me leaving.

I can remember smiling the whole way back to my apartment. Now I'm crying. I will always cherish those memories I have of Rufus. Most of them are good we fought a lot but I try to forget them. He was healthy then and happy. A few day after that night in his apartment Tseng commented on how much happier the President looked; I responded with 'Y'think' and walked off smirking. He must have given me some weird looks as I walked off but it was worth it.

Rufus and I met up around every other night. We talked and kissed the nights away but I would always have to leave before morning. It was at least three months before we had sex and when we finally did it was amazing. What surprised me the most was the fact was he was a virgin up until that night. I didn't even realise until I entered him. I'm just glad I didn't hurt him.

Rude was the first to find out. He had noticed a change in both me and Rufus and while in car on the back from a mission he asked me about it. He dragged it out of me but I finally admitted everything and he accepted us.

Tseng was the next to find out. Since he knew Rufus better than the rest of us he saw the change in Rufus and found out why soon enough. He confronted both of us at once after a meeting. We were kind of scared but when he asked some questions and we answered truthfully he congratulated us. We were so relieved. We told him about Rude knowing and he said it would be best to tell Elena. So we did. She went completely fangirl on us. That was a good day.

The first time Rufus told me he loved me was a night to remember. We had just made love and were lying down next to each other. He was in my arms and he smelled like sex and sweat but I really didn't care. I heard he mumble something before turning to face me. He stroked my cheek gently with his hand. Then he whispered, "I love you" so quietly I could barely here him.

"I love you too," I said before falling asleep wrapped up in each other. It was beautiful, _he_ was beautiful.

We thought we were going to be together forever as young lovers do. But it wasn't all fun and games; we had a lot of arguments about stupid things. He thought I was cheating on him and he went mental. Someone had told him the reason I couldn't come in one morning was because I'd hired some hooker and I was hung-over. I don't why Rufus believed them but the next day he let me have it.

"Why are you doing this to me Reno?" He yelled as soon as we got through the door to his apartment.

"What?" I yelled back. I wasn't too sure what was going, I told him the reason I couldn't come it was I was hung over. I didn't think he would take it this badly.

"You can't do this to me Reno!" He looked on the verge of tears and I was still really confused.

"What have I done that's so bad then?" He looked at me like I had three noses or something.

"You slept with a hooker!" That was news to me.

"No I didn't!" He was glaring at me through tear-filled eyes.

"Yes you did Reno, I was told by a senior member of staff. They saw you take her." He was trying so desperately to hold back the tears but couldn't as a few escaped and rolled down his pale cheeks.

"You believed them! I went out drinking that night, got pissed and went home. Woke up with a killer hang-over and couldn't go to work. That's all that happened."

"I know your history Reno that's why I believed them!" He turned and went to his kitchen for some reason. I followed him.

"Okay then so it's once a slum-rat always a slum-rat. Well that's nice to know," I said sarcastically about ready to leave.

"I didn't mean it like that Reno! You sleep with A LOT of women and I... thought you didn't love me anymore," He whispered the last part and hung his head. I could see the tears dripping off his face.

Half of me wanted to run out the door and never see him again the other half wanted to take him in my arms and tell him it was okay. I went with the right side and walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him. He protested a bit but sunk into me. I found myself crying as well. I hated to see him like this even more so when I know I've caused it. I don't think we did anything else that night, apart from slide down the wall and fall to sleep together. I know this as I can remember waking up on the floor.

I remember even darker memories like when I found out about Rufus' geostigma. He must have known for longer than the rest of us and I can understand why he didn't want us to know. He hates showing weakness and geostigma would slowly make him weak, it's almost if he thought if he tried to forget about it he could put off the inevitable. I had seen a change in him, it was mostly the way he refused to have sex with me or even change in the same room. It had never bothered him before, but he just refused.

I was starting to think maybe it was the end of 'us', we hadn't even been on a proper date yet. We couldn't, he understood that better than I did. I tried to talk to him about it but he just pushed me away. One afternoon after a meeting Tseng cornered me and asked me what I was doing to Rufus. I said, 'nothing' and it was true, he wouldn't even let me touch him anymore. Of course Tseng didn't believe me so he dragged me into his office and sat me down so he could question me.

"What have you done to him?" Tseng demanded looking at me with daggers.

"Nothing," I replied trying not to look him in the eye. Tseng obviously didn't believe me; he had started circling my chair.

"I've been watching him, Reno," He practically growled me name. "He's gotton quieter, more distant. You spend the most time with him, I don't think you realise how fragile he is." Tseng anger seemed to have calmed a little but I could tell he was still sure I was responsible for Rufus sudden change in behaviour.

"Tseng I swear I have done anything." He looked at me with disbelieving eyes so I started to explain. "About three weeks ago he stopped letting me do anything with him. He won't let us have sex or even change in the same room. He won't even let me touch him now, I don't know what's wrong with him but he's stopped talking to me as well."

"Really?" Tseng cared for Rufus a lot and he hated to see him how he was.

"Yes, Tseng, I promise."

"Well I guess we'll have to talk to him together then. He has to tell us." Tseng left the room with me on his heels. I guessed Rufus was in his rooms by now and Tseng guessed that as well. When we reached his room Tseng knocked but I just walked in. They were practically my rooms as well; I spend most of my free time here anyway. Tseng gave me a disapproving glance but didn't say anything.

"Rufus," I called making my way into the kitchen. When I got no reply I walked into the bedroom, nothing, but I noticed the bathroom door was slightly ajar. "Rufus," I called but softer this time. Tseng came up behind me and told me to go see if he was inside. I don't Rufus would be too chuffed is Tseng found he doing anything.

I walked towards the door and opened it, gasping when I saw Rufus, without his blazer or shirt, passed out on the floor. I quickly called Tseng in, who calmly told me to take Rufus to the infirmary. I picked Rufus up quickly and carried him down to the infirmary. I was panicking like mad but I didn't want it to show. We got plenty of weird looks but I brushed them all off, the most important thing was getting Rufus to the hospital. I pretty much burst through the doors and yelled for a doctor. Seeing that it was the President a doctor immediately came over and told me to put him on a bed and wait outside. I was very reluctant but Tseng managed to drag me away.

I was trying refrain from crying, it wouldn't look right. The Turks don't cry over something as stupid as the President getting injured. Everyone knew that Tseng cared for him as a child and had parental feelings for him but no one knew that Rufus and I were together. The doctors were going to want to know how we found and Tseng said he would deal with it. He told me to be strong and tried my best but when the doctor came out to talk to us I almost jumped him.

"What happened? Is he ok? What's wrong with him?" Tseng turned me round to him and slapped me. I kind of deserved it.

"Doctor?" Tseng said so calmly, how he could be that calm I have no idea.

"I would like you to come with me Sirs." The doctor led us to a small room with three chairs, a desk cluttered with stuff, and a little window. Cheery place. The doctor offered us seats and sat at his desk and turned to face us. "How did you find Mr. Shinra?"

Tseng answered like he said he would. "He asked us to come to his rooms to talk to us about something, though we are not sure why. He was there when we entered and he didn't respond when Reno called so we looked for him and Reno found him in the bathroom like that." It was good enough.

"Well have you ever heard of geostigma?" At that point my mind when crazy. Geostigma was a relatively new disease that started off as a bruise but over time covered your body with 'shadows' and killed you. The more it spread the weaker you got. It was incurable. Tseng nodded and the doctor carried on. "Well I'm afraid to tell you it appears Mr. Shinra has geostigma. I'm sorry."

I was so close to crying, even Tseng looked about ready to throw up. "Can we see him?" Tseng's voice sounded a little shaky but he held himself together. I didn't dare speak for the fear I'd burst into tears. The doctor nodded and led us to Rufus' bed. Tseng asked him to leave and he did. As soon as we were alone I rushed over to the bed, took Rufus' hand gently in mine and buried my face in his neck and cried. I kept whispering sorry over and over like somehow it was all turn out fine. I don't care what it would take we _would _find a cure and he wasn't going to die.

Tseng left after a couple of hours but I refused to go. I wanted to be there when he woke up. He needed to know I wouldn't leave him because of the geostigma. I still loved him and he had to know that. I highly doubted he would be too happy when he woke. I kind of regretted letting Tseng leave. The doctor said he would wake up between 2am and 3am, they really thought that through.

I must've fallen asleep at some point because when I woke up Rufus was lazily stroking my hair. I checked the clock and it was 2:15am, he couldn't have been awake long as he was happily touching me in 'public.' I sat up in my chair and took his hand away waiting for him to say something.

"You know," He said softly, it wasn't a question. He looked into my eyes and he could see the pain I was feeling. "Don't pity me Reno." I wasn't, or I was trying not to.

"I won't."

"This is it then. The great Rufus Shinra is coming to an end." He actually smiled as he said this.

"No, Rufus, you are not going to die!" I said in anger standing up. He just smiled at me. How long had he known?

"Reno, sit down," He said after a couple of minutes. He was still so calm; if I found out I had geostigma... I would be the same. I didn't care much for myself, but the prospect of leaving Rufus would be hard.

"I don't want to lose you," I sobbed into his side. He started to stroke my hair and whisper words of comfort to me.

The doctor let him leave later that morning. He said that it would only get worse but they would search for a cure. In a matter of weeks Rufus would need a wheelchair and have most of his body bandaged. It gave me hope but I could see he didn't care. He had already gotton over the 'oh Gaia oh Gaia I'm gonna die' stage now it was almost as if he was waiting.

A week later we were sat in his living room; he was on the sofa I was sat on the floor in front of him. Then he just said, "We should go somewhere together." I looked at him like he was mad so he carried on. "Well since we probably don't have a lot of time left together we should do something like a couple for once." He smiled at me, one of those rare smiles that hardly anyone has ever seen.

"How's that going to work?" I looked at him questioningly. It wasn't exactly well known that we were together and it certainly wouldn't be taken well. I almost flinched when I heard him say 'we probably don't have a lot of time left' but didn't say anything to him. It annoyed him immensely when I started going on about how he wasn't going to die and how everything was going to be fine.

"I'll say I need a vacation and I'm taking you with me for protection then we'll head off the one of my private islands for a couple of weeks." He had obviously thought this through.

"Won't I need to write mission reports or something?" He looked at me like I was an idiot.

"Reno, who do you think reads all the mission reports? Me, so it won't matter if you don't write them." He waved his hand around a little to emphasise he point.

"Oh, you have a private island?"

"I own the world Reno I have a few." And with that our plan were set.

The next day Rufus announced his holiday and we packed and left by the helicopter by Wednesday. Obviously the doctors wanted him to stay so they could run tests and what no but Rufus said that it could wait a couple of weeks. They said something about attacks to him but I couldn't hear the whole thing due to the fact I was on the other side of the door at the time. When Rufus came out he said that for the time we where off we would speak nothing of the geostigma and I agreed with him.

When we reached the island it was beautiful. The beaches were pure and the seas blue. The place where we would be staying was huge. No one lived on the island permanently but Rufus had a few maids sent out every now and then to clean it up. While we were staying we would be alone thankfully. As long as we were alone we could do whatever we wanted and I couldn't wait. Rufus walked inside his beach-side mansion and looked around sighing.

"Reno, unload the helicopter," He ordered after a couple of minutes. I complied without argument. I wanted this holiday to benefit Rufus more than me. Once everything was unloaded he sent me to go look around and check security while he phoned his doctor. I found everything un check so headed back to the house. I looked around there for a bit but got bored quickly enough. I went to look for Rufus and found him in what I expected was our room for the vacation. He was still on the phone to his doctor so I couldn't help but listen in.

"I have a Turk with me and he's got medical training. I'm sure these 'attacks' can be handled without the aid of a doctor."

Silence.

"Look, I need some time alone to think, that's why I only took one Turk. I know I _am_ going to die and I need to make plans for the company's future." ... "Fine, fine, fine! Just send me some pills or something!" Rufus hung up the phone and threw it behind him. He laid back on the bed, sighed and ran his hands threw his hair before saying, "You can come in Reno." I jumped slightly, really didn't think he heard me.

"So what did your doctor want to talk to you about?" I said cautiously walking towards the bed.

He sat up leaning on his elbows. He smiled at me, something that didn't happen often. "Something we agreed not to talk about. Now come here." He beckoned me over and kissed me softly. "Mind if I keep my shirt on?" I shook my head, I knew if I protested it would end up in a yelling match. He pulled me into another kiss and you know the rest.

The rest of the vacation wasn't much different. We talked for hours and made love for many more. He always insisted he keep his shirt on and I let him. Whether we were by the pool or on the beach he always kept his back covered up. I knew that's where the geostigma was and as much as I hated to admit it I wanted to see it. Although it was the thing that was killing him it was also the thing that was keeping us from being as intimate as we could be and I needed to know he trusted me.

We were by the pool, it was a week after we arrived, I was in swimming trunks Rufus was also wearing swimming trunks as well as a black shirt, and he didn't seemed bothered despite the blazing sun. I took a chance and hoped that it wasn't going to explode in my face. I got up and jumped in the pool, making sure to splash as much as possible, getting Rufus soaked.

He let out an uncharacteristically high-pitched yelp and shot up from his chair. When I surfaced I saw him glaring daggers at me. "RENO WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!"

"Sorry Rufie, you're gonna have to take your shirt off now," I said in an almost child-like tone. He was still glaring at me as I climbed out the pool and walked over to him.

"And why would I want to do that Reno?" He practically growled my name.

"Why not?" I still had to innocent act up but I don't think it was working.

"You know why not Reno, now I'm going to go get changed." He turned to leave but before he got a chance he collapsed screaming in pain. I ran over to his side and started panicking almost immediately. I scream at him about what I should be doing but he ground out leave it. He manages to hold back the rest of his screams. It's killing me to see him like this. I take his hand and he grips it with all he's got. I know I'm crying but I don't care, it's a miracle he's not. I notice some form of black goop dripping from the back of his shirt but take little notice. Finally after a few agonizing minutes it's over.

Rufus releases my hand and grips my shoulder to stop him from collapsing. He's gasping for breath and I'm trying to stop my tears. It takes a while to recover. I look at the ground and this time notice and pay more attention to the black stuff. To be honest I freaked out a little.

"It's from the geostigma Reno; I wasn't expecting the first attack to be so soon. Help me up will you, this needs cleaning." I help him up and support him as there's no way he is going to be able to walk all the way back into the house.

"Want me to help you clean it?" I was a little uneasy but if he would let me then the issues would be over, right?

"I think you're going to have to Reno, now get a move on, it feels disgusting." I smile lightly and we walk back into the house together. When we reached the bathroom he reluctantly took his shirt of to reveal his wounds. It was just so... horrifying I guess you could say.

It looked like a shadow but it was oozing black goo. I couldn't stand to look at it so I put the hot water on. I left the room to go get the bandages that I was sure Rufus would need. I also grabbed the phone, Rufus needed to talk to his doctor whether he wanted to or not. When I got back Rufus was bathing some of the cloth in the hot water he then turned to me and handed me the cloth. I chucked him the phone and he barely caught it. He glared at me but called the number anyway.

I cleaned his wounds without a word and tried not to think about what I was actually doing too much. He talked to his doctor and described the attack in great detail. Once the wounds where clean I went to go get him a new shirt while he finished up on the phone. When I came back with a plain white shirt Rufus was off the phone and leaning against the bathtub thinking. I handed him the shirt and he put it on before getting up.

"So Reno, you saw the geostigma. Do you now understand why I won't let you see it?" He took my arm to stop me from going where ever I was going to go.

"Yes, I understand," I said quietly and I did, I understood but I still didn't care. He smiled as he and released my arm, walking off. "But, I don't care." That stopped him. He spun around on his heels to face me.

"What do you mean?" His mood changes were so rapid. Once minute he was smiling at me the next he looked about ready to kill me.

"About the geostigma. I really don't care, I mean it's not exactly fun to look at but it doesn't bother me." He was still glaring at me as I explained myself. "I want you to keep your shirt off on the beach I want to be able to take it off when we make love and I want you to trust me." He looked about ready to cry now.

"Okay, Reno, okay. You know how I feel about these things." He looked at me and straightened up a slightly. I beamed and glomped him. After he threw me off him I grinned at him and asked:  
>"So does that mean if we go back to the pool then you'll come swimming with me?"<p>

His smile faded slightly. "No, not with the mess. How about the beach?"

The mess by the pool obviously hadn't been cleared up from Rufus' attack. But I was still grinning. "Okay then come on let's go!" I grabbed his hand and we raced down to the beach. We spent the rest of the day there and stayed long into the night.

The rest of our vacation went well. Rufus didn't have any more attacks, thank Gaia, but I could see the geostigma spreading. Slowly but surely it was making its' way up and across his back. We spent a few days in bed doing things that don't need to be described and a few days on the beach doing things that don't need to be described. It was perfect, but then we had to go back home.

The flight back was uneventful we barely talked. When we did get back life went back to normal. Except the fact that Rufus' attacks were getting worse and worse. He was struggling to walk for long periods of time now and I could see him getting weaker. He no longer had the energy for sex and most of his body was in bandages.

I searched everywhere for cure and I know the doctors did too. We found nothing and it hurt but I never stopped looking. Rufus told me to stop looking and except that it was over. It took me a while to come to terms with it but I did. He wanted to spend the last couple of weeks of his life with me. Rufus sent Rude and Elena to go find a new heir which left Tseng and me to care for him.

We both wanted to find a cure but we both knew there wasn't one. Soon enough Rufus needed a wheel chair, but he wanted an electric one because he said if I had to push him around then he would get killed.

He grew weaker and weaker. He stopped talking so much and moving around in his chair. He couldn't even walk a few steps. He was deemed unsuitable to work so was restricted to bed rest. I never left his side and I will never forget the day he slipped away.

"Reno, this is it then." He had murmured. We were in his room, he was in bed and I was sat next to him a on a chair.

"What?" I said parking up slightly at the sound of his voice.

"I can feel it Reno, this is it. I'll be in the life-stream soon." He smiled at me and I could feel the tears welling up.

"No, Rufus not yet." I took his hand in mine and stroked his hair gently.

"Reno, we knew this day would come. I know that you love me but you have to move on after this is over." I was crying by now and I could see the faint trace of tears in his grey eyes as well.

"I can't I love you too much," I sobbed.

"I love you too. I can't hold on forever and I'm glad I'll be with you but you can't mourn me for the rest of your life." It was true but I couldn't just tell him I was going to go fall in love with some other dude or chick and forget about him. "Don't forget me Reno and I swear that as long as you're happy I will be." His grip on my hand loosened slightly and he looked deep into my eye. "Kiss me, Reno, one last time."

And I did, pressing my lips to his i felt him respond and we kissed for little over 30 seconds before I pulled back. He smiled one last time before his eyes faded and his hand went limp altogether. I cried uncontrollably but let him go.

I managed to hold it together at the funeral but as soon as I was alone I cried. Rude and Tseng tried to talk to me but they couldn't get any sense. Elena was in bits. Tseng cried a little and Rude showed nothing.

I became cold and emotionless except for when I was alone. I missed him so much. Everyone could see that. It was obvious in my eyes that I was lost. Even with a blank expression on my face my eyes told everything.

Eventually Tseng got me alone and talked me out of my state we ended up both crying that night. I didn't talk about Rufus to anyone except Tseng because no one else understood him.

I visited Rufus' grave many times just to talk to him and that what I was doing now. It was a year today since he died and it feels like a decade had passed.

"I love you Rufus and you know as well as I do that I will never stop loving you." I get up and leave, leaving behind that single white rose but taking the old one I left there. Twiddling between my fingers, watching the petals fall to the ground.

I broke and now I'm mending.

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><p><strong>Did you like? Please review and stuff XD Love you all!<strong>


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